Faluda

Goodbye

2011-06-24T03:15:00.001-07:00

You know what they say for the dead,
those without health and head.
Who will wander throughout the night,
And disappear in the sunlight.
The one whom the creepers will cover,
To whom the stars will take away in their shiny rover.
The one who wont know the rainbows of your sky,
And who wont ever know what is to fly.
The flowers which bloom in seasons so few,
I will be that without you.

To J.K .Rowling...

2010-06-06T07:47:00.000-07:00

Two of my most wonderful enlightening, enchanting and wonderful entertainment hand picks have left me to wonder if I am running behind the times at all since its been almost 2-3 years when they have nearly Finished. Having seen Friends (last summers) and having read Harry potter this summer I am coaxed by a vulnerability in my senses which I haven't known before. But I will solely acknowledge the book over the t.v series for bringing me to blog today.

Of all the books I have 'ever' read or came across, Harry Potter IS the best plotted and entirely brilliant piece of creativity which has struck me. Everything about the story is just par excellence. Where, on one hand the story supersedes any normal notion with which we can associate, obviously since its about Magic but on the other hand the story equates the essence of human deeds (vices and virtues) and there aftermath, even in the magical world.

The book was really everything,where it had meant to be. I did not find any loopholes. The grip, to bring the name of the character in action cannot go unnoticed. The death of Sirius Black and Dumbledore, the chances to slip into the past through the pensive and many other such things have rightly served as a tool to create a magical equation with the reader.

She has let the hatred for Voldemort and his followers swell so much that by the seventh book, we, readers, would do nothing but explode.

Thank you JK rowling, for coming out with this stupendous peice of work and adding another wing to my thoughts and ideas.

Story

2010-04-21T11:33:00.000-07:00

Someday we'll all die in a hurry,
With no time left to fight fury.
and as the salt from our skin will evaporate,
We'll all know how beautiful a life we all had once to commemorate.

She..

2010-03-20T09:45:00.000-07:00

He's loud, he's clear
He no more fears
Now, he is walking with his hands in hers
I follow them for a long long time,
till the road disappears..

Round-ism of Life

2010-02-21T05:07:00.000-08:00

How sometimes we are just peddling,
the only cycle of meaningless life.
How it never comes to a stop
Stop until we die.

The circle of lust.

2010-02-19T11:12:00.000-08:00

Blinded, shut behind the only folds.
I see u raping me..
You know it
And u know it so right,
how we mate..
My blood boils as the vein bursts
and u do it again, yet again..

Even then you will still make me moan tonight, thinking of her
when I'll die orgasmic in your arms..
shaking to every bone, and
remorselessly will the sex drive end!

Never Ending

2010-02-19T11:10:00.000-08:00

Following one
before the last comes
continues the chase
in the dream race

So it is..

2010-01-15T04:36:00.000-08:00

"How perfect would every secret be.. "
If only we knew, there's not everything, everyone needs to know..

One tragedy in a name..

2010-01-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

Perhaps even Shakespeare wouldn't be able to create a character like that of KARAN in Mahabharat.

My Pink Fairy

2009-12-13T04:53:00.000-08:00

I wish I would have never to see you grow, my baby girl,
And grow like nothing else
but in the future tense..

How I Wish you would be in my arms forever..
When you make me think.
Like a magic, how you dangle at my breast
and pinch pink in the murmurs of my daily chores :)

Oh.. I Wish you would be in my arms forever..
Chuckle, as the lullabies chime in your ear.
And at around no particular hour when you roll off to the land of the fairies..
and all what seems pink and cute
My girl,
how you inhale
the fragrance of the peaches, the roses and the vanilla blossoms there
and how you exhale and bring to me
all what is so sweet and warm there..

Awwhh.. When u croon and sigh..
when u sleep right there..

How no guns and machines
bring a glint in your eyes
n look how a barbie
or a two toothed bunny makes u box everything on the toy bed

Hahaha.. goes my heart to hear you, make me deaf at the thought.

All seems belonging to you
and nothing I could ever take away.
But brings me back to think.. closer to you..
To see you slipping away, to the years ahead..
But then it also feels right
to have you growing closer to me,
to have you phasing into a one just like me,
to have you know what was it once to be like me..

If once u would only remember, my baby girl, how i never wished you would grow.. :)

Peak mehendi emotions and The storm today :D yaayy !

2009-08-21T10:33:00.000-07:00

Oh this is me. Like whatever i m doing right is "fun gunjan" (reminds me of fun bobby in friends :P) haha so right now my hands are mehendi-d :D well tomoro's a family function and so I m not keeping myself out of any bit of decoration required on me.

Well we will be off delhi.. N today as has been my rule.. till 9 pm my shopping was on. Which included a talk with a mehendi walah when he was carving peacocks, fishes, check patterns, circles and curvy lines in no sense totaly. But i guess i m a very good mehendi lagwaane waali.. cause by the end of the mehendi session he told me "madam next time aayein toh salaam thok ke jaaiyega" ..hehe

(oh typing with mehendi on is so much fun)

anyway i desperatley want to prick my nose and put this strand of hair behind my right ear right now bt I cant so ..
Also when i was in connaught place around 4:30 today, filling my stomach at KFC(they dint had teh crushers and i was having a veg platter ;) ) after this despearate round of searching through chooridaars.. throght the emporium sgement i came out of KFC n i saw DARKNESS :-|

Really it was dark at 4:30 pm I looked around and everbody was running al drenched, some guy carrying his girl in his arms.. aww.. and some other getting all the more amused.. some uncles discussing "how they have never seen such a storm in there 50 years " :P (uhhuh how amusing uncle.. even i havnt in my 2o smthng life :P)

I sware given .. if i hadnt been wearing white i would have gone dashing through the storn to another block which was hardly 6 steps(jumping 6 steps) next.. but umm I did :P and oh god i was badddly drenched (orc which i had to stop at fab india and standin front of there fan for every 10 ins i wnet into the changing room)

Finally when i had reached my auto stand there was no auto.. :P how much delhi like cud this day be.. unpredicatble and stupid !
yes not finidng auto is very stupid.. I found it aftr 30 mins of constant arguing with delhi auto uncles and bhaiyas.. and i came back home at 9 ! woo woo ! :D
At home everybdy is serving me :D yayay princess !
N i m so happy :) and well this is what matters :)

15 August' 2009

2009-08-14T10:05:00.000-07:00

A flash second be granted today to me,
To an immortal past and a relevant future to be..

Streak of passive blood and a hunger for a freedom adjourned,
is where many paths combined to become one..

Overwhelmed with gratitude and epithets synonymous to it,
I salute My Mother, the treasurer of this all..

Vande Matram !!
to the souls who still shine on us
To those who are in que
and to those who long for it.. :)

For 'the times'

2009-08-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

The stale story of a miser love..
One cave, enveloping endless roads to the love destination ..
Of a time bound relationship
Of regular interruptions..

The times i missed you in the craziest moments.
Singing the tunes of our old favorites..

Of how much I have missed u from then till now..
Continues the missing of the times together.

The face of anger

2009-07-23T08:27:00.000-07:00

Shout
As so close to the ear
so it may tear, the last web of connected nerves.
But get rid of the anger,
inside u..
for it needs to break through.

Oh My God !

2009-07-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

I have been shot And its too late to realize by whom. Well already he is twenty years older (I see Y it is such a wasted life) and Now.. hello? i saw him so-oo-oo late.. sniff.. But glad to know it made me realise how a crush feels like, all over again.

"Matt Le Blanc.. !! "Right now!!" is my line of declaration for him.

Lets see without even counting the possibility of meeting him ever I just want to pass on my most desired desires to him. Twenty Two is not that bad an age to announce it right ? This man is such a Turn On . Like.. Oh My God !!
I want him Bayyyyyydddllyy !! If only heaven could care about it anymore..

Sighh.. 'I do' beleive in miracles !!

Spill the words of My Choice

2009-04-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

From a distance.. So near ..
Amongst the noises made by our hearts.
Provoked thoughts impedes me nowadays to hear u say..
All those words I have been quenching for !!
So baby, the next time you open your quivering basin of pink petals...
Which snubbed to balm anyone else...
For me.. From now..
Just make sure you make a movement in the tunes of "Te Quiero" .. Somehow !!

Sex...

2009-03-18T08:28:00.000-07:00

When The 'name' is enough.
When The only times 'lust' and 'love' are undifferentiated.
When you know the countless ways to gain 'satisfaction'.
When More then a cup of coffee, you know what is to be 'addictive'.
When its easier to Remember 'numbers'.
When you admitt being close to 'heaven'.
When 'creativity' redefines the artist in you.
When, sometimes the opposites 'attract'.
When the mutest of 'silence' is required.

When all of this come in no particular order
Then it should be close to guess.. That you know what is sex !

Prayer

2009-01-11T06:22:00.000-08:00

Tightly shut eyes
hands clasped together
sequenced row of candles
hair tied together
down on knees and my head touching the finger tips
I descend to the feeling of rhymes
I obey the mystic of inner divine
Transcending from this age to the other
Manifesting yesterday with tomorrow
grounding each of them with today
Shedding the fears with the pain of sorrow
Smiling upon the courage with the sprinkle of happiness
I embrace all of this
to form one prayer for each day ..

"The book of love.." -Peter Gabriel

2009-01-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

This song .. has really touched me and has left me completely mesmerized. I imagine someone singing it for his/her beloved, when he/she is desperately offended or annoyed or upset with the other.
Beauty of a song!
Sure it did touch me, and touch me so deeply to have me put it here..
...

The book of love is long and boring!!
No one can lift the damn thing..
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing..

But I...
I love it when you read to me... !!
And you
You can read me anything.

The book of love has music in it!!
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb

But I
I love it when you sing to me.. !!
And you
You can sing me anything.

The book of love is long and boring!!
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know

But I
I love it when you give me things... !!
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings...
And I
I love it when you give me things...
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings...
And I
I love it when you give me things.....
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings.
You ought to give me wedding rings.

Where?

2008-12-27T04:22:00.000-08:00

Journey back to you,
Or to hell,
Or to either ?

Each of them sounds similar to the second. Or it is more like the BUDDHA'S middle way (here to hell), in between two worlds, each worse then the words after and before it.

As for me, Well I choose none...

"I m still scared to face the minutes turning to hours,
In proximity to the aligned stars."

To have had a life like this..is what I wanted

2008-12-10T13:54:00.000-08:00

"Sweet Home Alabama"

So reviews show it was a funny movie, loads of comparisons with the people of actual south, the Yankees, not a great production and blah blah.. BUT!!! I m in love with this movie and all I desire is to have had a life like this..

... Away from the country romance.. country life.. With newness in just about everything 'we' do. Being with those same frens forever, going to a weekend jig together, and each one of us having same memories since we all are there in it. With all those share of high's and low's, of discovering the area, the people around us. Of knowing old stories related to each others, what we may call grand grand parents haha, and a virtual presence of being together, for each other.. with one 'love'.. like this all and more..

Although now with what I am and where I am, it will be a little difficult to find a childhood lover ..and a place such as this. But oh I so wish...

This movie seemed like an answer to my quest for a dozen other movies, of "WHAT NEXT?".
Here, two of them, already husband wife re-unite after seven years ! So where it was a dead end once, here was the begining of them together.

I have really lived into the moments while watching it. and I so love this movie
whosoever said romantic movies are big times turn off's well... "GO AWAY..DONT BUG ME" !!

feel lil better after writing :D !

SIGH..

Sweeet Sweeeeett Home Alabama... :) :)

BAY OF BOMBS(BOMBAY) - 27/11

2008-11-29T03:33:00.000-08:00

Bombay (I prefer attaching my association with the city's old name) turned into a "BAY OF BOMBS"..
I M IN A STATE OF HORROR , DISBELIEF AND SHOCK!

The mass killing of "innocent, unaware and the most normal" human beings in the BOMBAY ATTACK, is the most ridiculous thing, happened to India.
The target placed on HOTEL TAJ has left me to think and rethink about the post independence emotions attached with the hotel.
I m Thinking about those people who left the hotel minutes before this bloody attack!
I m thinking about those people who entered the hotel minutes before this bloody attack!
I m enveloped in the grieve cries of the families and friends who had plans for the future together
I m unable to speak for the most normal people like ME like YOU who could have been there..
I m tired now to avoid thinking about the exact scene, the people who were stuck in there, the corridors, the rooms, the walls of the hotel.
I m stuck between the voluminous sounds of bullets and granites .
I cant control the stream of tears when I replace myself being in such a situation.

Hope Bombay-iits gain "hopes" to have a peaceful many-tomorrows to come..
Hope the courage of the innocent and the bravest of the souls rests in peace...
Hope this city rises against all the odds done to it in less than a quarter of this week....
Hope the citizens of Bombay be the one to install the awakening in the nerves of a common Indian, for out ruling even the slightest of intentions of the terrorists out and out of our OUR LAND!

Day is not far when The attack of the Taj hotel Bombay will turn into TAJ MAHAL.. because ultimately the terrorists motives were to strike and hit at the "minds and hearts" of an average Indian...That day is not far..

If something has to be done, the beginning has marked itself, on its own, for us to begun.. here and now!!

Nangloi to Mumbai- Bus No.910(sayyed Nangloi) !

2008-11-12T06:42:00.000-08:00

"Jaats are really funny"
Cant say about those who are from the sub-urbs or urbs or rural areas but the Delhi ones are hilarious. And the one jaat I wanna talk bout here is the conductor of the morning blue-line I board.

He is a funny guy. He is a very funny guy. He is a very very funny guy. Leaving everything aside I think he is REALLY FUNNY.

He even asks his fellow driver to stop the bus until and unless i reach the stop(mind you its no college bus. no private bus its a BLUE-LINE). And often he discounts me on tickets.(ok these things are not funny!)

BUT TODAY HE BROKE ALL RECORDS OF FUNNYNESS! :D

This female entered the bus and said "bhaiya(brother) ye bus nangloi jaayegi"
hahah.. this bhaiya said "Na nangloi na jaaygei.. je to mumbai jaaygei" !! :P :P hahah..
saying this he abused in his harsh yet sweet jaat lingo, adjusted his shirt a little bit.
Standing next to me he grumbled something and said.. "meddem(not madam) je log chadh jaate hain apne baap ki gaddi samajh ke, ticket lene ke naam pe meddem poochte hain ye gaddi kahan jaayegi. Nai meddem aap batao.. Je nangloi likha hai saamne board pe toh Nangloi hi jaayegi na.. ki mumbai jaaygei..(abused again) !!

I don't know and I cant explain, how i managed to "kill" literally kill my burst of laughters. But I expressed my concern by giving a serious look of understanding.

he said : Meddem.... (someone called him for ticket.. he left.. n by that time my stop came)

I immediately messaged my frens about this hiliarios-tic episode ! :P
:) everymorning I meet this playful, funny and typical jaat conductor. Something to boast for a good start everyday .. sigh !

My Japanese Lectures

2008-10-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

http://faluda.wordpress.com/

Kaleidoscope Heart.

2008-10-04T12:30:00.000-07:00

The Golden ray of the sun above everyones head on earth, fell on a Kaleidoscope.

That golden ray split into multitudes of beaming rays, with which a thousand mirrors inside became so bright and alive, inside the Kaleidescope. And when anyone saw those mirrors they smiled... they actually saw the beautiful symmetric pattern of that Kaleidoscope.

I m the Kaleidoscope, however that Golden ray of sun has gone.

Wherever the golden beam goes may it brings life to a Kaleidoscope.. which has only mirrors.. waiting for a Golden ray to fall on them.. !!

as what he felt.. "My Love for her.."

2008-05-08T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm falling apart,
Some one tether my heart.
My eyes are gleaming in past,
Bringing, what once was a part,
Part of the resting peace
of chiming laughter’s and fond memories..

The joy in her eyes of her first love at first sight
ached me so much so..
I felt someone took away my dearest one ,
compared to whom I may find none..
I felt my breaths were short,
I panicked for days
I burnt cigarette to ashes for smoke to be my cloak.

I sat with her on the night before her wedding day
I asked her if she remembered our childhood plays?
She giggled on some cycle rides where she would fell down and cry
She made faces as similar as those days,
Where I would kiss her forehead and she would rest and sleep the same way.
But then she stopped near her dressing gown and asked me how she looked?
I shifted a little and asked her again does she remember how she never ate without me?
She smiled unknowingly,
And dear! How curvy is the twitch of her mouth
She jerked me a little and said.. “of course I remember it, did I ever ate without you at the dinner seat?”
Something touched my heart when it felt she still remember it all.
I looked up to see her face
The love she had for him shook my nerve of loving her for this long..
I took her in my arms, kissed her forehead
And hastily moved out of my princess chamber.
I couldn’t sleep that night
I could hear her soft murmurs and occasional giggles of anxiety
As she spoke to her would be groom on phone
Unmistakably it was her I’m-so-happy tone.
I knew she was so happy about living her life with him
So I pulled myself away from breaking down in front of her

It was a strange morning as it signaled something annoying
Not even today did it bring any change in her longing
I prayed today, holding the corner of the desk
I prayed for her everlasting happiness and god bring her wealth
Something cried inside of my heart
Did I really wish for her all this, With all my heart?
I confronted the flying emotions, those days which we spend with each other

Throughout the ceremony she looked under the light of a moon
Her eyes dint blink when she saw him
And he, I felt was the luckiest of all!
He came to me, Shook my hand
In a gesture so prompt we exchanged smiles as garlands
So strange were my emotions,
I couldnt cry neither could I betray the wedding notions
She came and stood in between both of us
She held my hand from her left and curled the right on his waist
I smiled as I found did I miss her to be growing that far?
Embarrassed she pulled her hand away from his
And stepped back to embrace
Someone to whom she was everything..

I thought for a moment she is not my mine now
So let them be on their own
Let their folks compliment the pair from the heaven’s home

My folks thought I was a merry man
They spoke of my only asset
The love I carried for her in my heart
They said I was partial crazy amongst all
I chuckled and raised a toast
To her and with whom her future beholds

It was time now to set them in car
She almost sat in, careful not to step on her gown..
When suddenly she came out and stood in front of me
She spoke of my grey hair and asked me to get them dyed
I laughed aloud as everyone stared
She pulled me down with my tie
As a baby she would always do so and bend me down to listen to her
She said at this time “I will miss you pa..
You are the first man of my life..”
A tear curled down her pink makeup
Panicking at them as usual I wiped them with my coat’s cuff

I took her by the hand and made her settle down in the car
I told him to take care of her with a punch
He chuckled and winked
I set them off to the road of endless joys and happiness.
With blessing from all my heart.

(the first four line are written by Rikki) :)

Edge

2008-03-13T10:22:00.001-07:00

I move towards the edge.
I don’t know what lies beyond that edge.
But something is their which keeps pulling me every now and then.
I move towards the edge
It pulls, it gravitates me and I stop.
Often I keep standing on the edge.. I m thankful toh it for binding me for so long..
The edge Is u

The rationale behind 'me' being 'I'

2008-01-22T06:22:00.001-08:00

"... I m not under that cloud which will walk past and never know who all wanted it.. I m undre the cloud which offer rains.. which shadows the sun.. I m under that cloud of wishes which knows not what to do but knows what its always been doing.. "

"Their is no part of the encounter between a man and a woman.. where a woman feels more cherished, more, enveloped in the man's desire than in the preliminary kisses and caresses that lead to intercourse..."

" ... I crossed my heart to speak to you when I had that momentum of faith and wishfullness, that was the time I made an undying wish to be with you, it was then only that I begged, looking in your eyes, to let me die in your arms .. and never wake up.. !!
that moment of lucid confession, I want you to remember it all... "

"... I cant bring myself to explainng what I felt, you might just partially be knowing this.. something which is Flashed to the memory (a moment of kiss, a moment of embrace, a simple moment of love) .. the exact feeling comes when a similar moment happens.."

".. For all this time I felt home with words. I thought I know when and where I can shape according to my need and beleif.. !!
but what I feel now is Love, I should just give up on this territory, and I want you to forget everything Bad Or worse, and if it remains try and fix it with all good, that has past.. I cpuld never hurt You be it what so ever.. !! "

"..Sometimes the most simple things in Life are so hard to assert.. As grows the simplicty the ways to reach them becomes difficult... Avoid being simple N choose complexity over all!!.. "

"..People reach the limits of getting over with something when they get BORED, When do we get excess of anything that we get over them?? "

"..Sometimes skulls are thick..sometimes hearts are vaccant.. sometimes simply Words don't work.."

I Love U.. !

2007-12-31T08:57:00.000-08:00

Today I wont do anything.. Anything as of to make U believe what I have always meant to say.

I m gaming on my faith and all of what I know, I could have given U with love and yea My happiness..

I will be in debt of my own feelings if today they reach out to your heart n will make u understand everything which my mouth shuts itself to.. my eyes refuse to confront with and my body betrays to do.

Today I believe I have disobeyed the age long notions of divulging what is in your heart.. Of keeping To one's own self.. to wait for the moment.. To not to cut beyond words..

I fathom on the days passed together and the nights we set to morning hours..

I m breaking down as the nerve is cracking down in my fist..

as i feel My breath is thumping as after a runner feels..

I feel as mounted as any acme

I feel a kick near my womb as I have always wanted u To be that close..

I have my eyes glistened as I know U will identify its for U..

and I feel proud as I know U r the one I love..

I want to make u sure of one thing that no matter to whom U belong to, My bond with U will remain as it has been as I want it..

I want u to know, that moment where I segregated my destiny and my will as two plots where U entered, I will treasure it on a note such as forever!

I will moan on the thought of your mere presence around me, lost in the myst of your warm touch.

As I know it I want to gather all of the staunch potential love I have in store for U.. for I want U to know for ever I have known nothing but to have faith in whatever U have chosen to do or U choose to do For Yourself.. for Me.. !!

I pray this new year bring s to U wealth, health N every single joy.. Blessed n worthy, U shall get whatever U wish..

I love you..

I love You a lot more then I can ever say..

Or make U feel known to It..

I love U so much!

"While TravelinG...."

2007-10-11T07:45:00.001-07:00

this one comes from a blessed writer.. "Raahgir".. :)

September 15th mornin 2:30 am ...

a usual night out with friends..
Sitting at home watching TV, just passing my time any how till I fall asleep. I got a phone call from my friend. It was Mayank.. I received his call, I knew my friends were planning For a night out ..I left home making sure my parents don’t wake up. ..,I closed the door and stood out... My friends came and we left for CP, as usual we were going to Bangla Sahib road to eat “rajma-chawal” etc because this is the only food joint which serves 24X7. ..
It was Saturday, I saw lots of guys and girls... they must be coming from some night-club. The way they were dressed up was telling the whole story, since it was the only food joint which was open at this hour they were also here. ..
While eating rajma-chawal, I was checking these Hot looking girls sitting in those big cars. Cars like Honda city, merc, BMW and all
I started talking to myself. “what man? I think hot chiks like these would never want to be date a guy like me. we don’t have big cars and lumpsum money to spend on them. I looked up in the sky, started talking to GOD. ..Yeah! Right..! “GOD”!
I said “God y U so unfair?” look at these fat guys, they don’t even look good, probably they are just passing time with these beautiful girls. Y u gave them all the money? Big cars? Big houses?....???
Do they prey U in a different way? Or U like them more then me? Or I am not a good guy? Y U so unfair god? Y u so unfair?
After a while, my friends finished their meal. We decided to leave for our places, cause it was already 4:am And we had to reach our respective places before our parents wake up. We were on bikes and we dint had helmets, so instead of dogging police mens, we decided to take a longer root which was safe.
I saw people sleeping on the road side. Some of them were naked and some wearing torned and dirty clothes. it was not one or two of them! it was like the whole colony of poor people, living there only on the road.
They had small houses "jhuggis" where they were living
then I saw a poor old man , who was luking for some food in the dustbin. He found something and started eating it . he was sharing it with his son as well. I saw a poor lady lying down besides them, shivering badly in this cold night.
Then I saw a boy .. a cute little boy around 4 or 5 yrs old, staring at me continuously, like he was saying to me "how lucky u r, u gonna go back to ur house and sleep in ur cosy beds!, u gonna hav a nice breakfast tomorow morning, but look at me, I dint had my breakfast from the past 3 days .
“I was choked....!!!!!”
I again looked up in the sky and started talking to GOD … yes ..."GOD"!!
I said...I am sorry God, I forgot how much u have given me...this comfort.. this life.. may be its not like those rich people.. but its better then people living here.. and my life is better and much peaceful then this kid's life....
Im thankful to u god.. that my parents are not searching for food in dustbins and wastes ..to feed me .. !!
I m thankful to U God.. that u gave me cloths to wear .. house to protect me from these cool winds .. !!
I guess god answered my question that night!! I got this lesson in one night "whatever I have is cause of u God.. I should be thankful n satisfied rather then getting jealous! I should pray for the one who is not even having shelter and help them in each and every way. I think this is LIFE. This is HAPPINESS! This is "GOD”

Outline

2007-10-10T08:08:00.000-07:00

I know nothing I m so ordinary,
I m so old yet I don’t know wat is my story.
I wipe so many tears As I walk away,
I feel I m know one so I shud stay.
I turn around ,
I stare and drown.

Alone as I go to the temple of daily thoughts..
One precedes the other,
and the other lies against all odds.
I see N wonder how much there is to it,
Of lost thoughts and some missing hits.
Unevenness of glistening emotions,
Unfriendly public and lucid notions.
How much have I taken before?
How much is their still to be given back,
Of those which I adore?

In the love of life,
Some betrayals are yet to be identified.
One season shook me,
The other beholds back.
The preaching’s of yesterday and today,
Glories faiths and miseries lay.
Tonight I will search for a normal tone,
Not a word of sympathy and a pretending soul.
Some things which I know from before,
Some things which I will pile and think,
Think and rethink in the waves of shore.

I compile here with no results,
With shallow blankness and mourning guilts.
Never will I speak of it again.
As I leave from here,
There will be no shelter.. nothing like what is everywhere.
I will be on my own..
that.. ... what is me what everyone has known!

"Death ......"

2007-09-08T06:20:00.000-07:00

I gulp the last bite of the flattened flour, its tasteless. My taste bud has given up too. I am eating therefore to fill up the empty pit. Slowly the teeth start clattering, giving up on what all they have learnt since time so long. The throat is gulping with a peircing tact. My veins are gripping themsleves tightly, their effect is working like a vaccum, soaking the blood and still sucking it so furiously.

The last ounce of energy has evaporated from within. Now their are just paralysed bones scattered to keep me straight. The wave of oxygen just pushes a bit extra inside me in every 3/4th of second but still I panic and gasp. The memories zoom into past glories and thuds, which all came, cuddled me, sometimes back. But now their own will has failed to fathom this perpetuation.....

I know he is standing in front of me and where is he, he is shouting in my ear, perspiring, sweating and shouting so loud, shaking me, slapping me. He raised my coma struck body, he tightened his grip from my back to hold me from falling, my breast is thumping hard against his chest, but unlike other days its not soothing me, its not bringing back the magnificent relief . I am unable to realise what is happening with me.. His last words are echoing in my head and slowly dissolving dont know where?.. and rest everything is going ablazed slowly..

Franatically, as though failing to assemble the will, I suspend myself to this belligerence of my own body.. I take deep breaths, second by second, i held his t shirt, some of the buttons fell and some nervously are lying in my hand.

He is perspiring so hard, crying out so loud, his eyes are going red and wide, tears are rolling, chasing one after another. I am shocked to see the fear in his eyes, "the love which is turning into a Loss for a life time".

Suddenly absolute numbness shooks me, the coldness is so refined seems as if it has eaten me.

He is greieving giving his face in the taffeta of my bosom, shutting my eyes...

I turn behind and I see I lay..! I lay dead in his arms......

The way we did! ...

2007-09-04T06:01:00.000-07:00

My thoughts are queing up, like they have never done before.

The prelim rounds of missing have been changing to more acute longing. I know what lies beneath that cloak of affection and warmth for everyone around(some even go pass me) are the subtle emotions which are frenetically echoing.

Entire artifice is coming forth to express the claim I have(want to) on u baby.
I desire the mere thought of having you around. Strength of lovE is getting paranoid to find the lover(you) to fix with its untamed reactions. All the lingering distant emotions are weakning the innermost female ecstasy resting in me. Desires are pouting to sing love-tales, whisper all the naked truth and lies which have driven me to some euphematic thoughts and actionS before youR coming, while the fingers entangle themselves hastily in your hair which are spread. Body aches To be near to You, carressed in strong arms.

Once more I want to relinquish that scene of turmoil to explore my death-wish, to lip-lock you. The serving wishfullness is skeptically stepping forward to con your pulsating organ once, twice, thrice or may be more, to whip the array of annoy in the mocking tone of my love thrust. My lust says to hear more of the moans that slide pour from your throat. the same as that day I want to wrap you with the aching legs.

"Shower something of your heart, Shower something from your own .."

So now when I am Retorting to old tinglings, chimingS in the drop dead silence I want to betray my every emotion, every social remark, to make an undying wish that is to be a "LOVE GODDESS" before everything.... "To make love to You My baby!"

"Mera bachpan."

2007-08-25T07:52:00.000-07:00

Kuch akshar ek kaagaz par maine utaare,

kya kahun, kuch boondein jaisey amrit ki saagar mein sama jayein

Ek tara yun un boondon ko chamkaaye

Ungaliyon mein unhein thaam lo,

Fir baadal ban ke barsa do

Haaiye mera bachpan lauta do!!

Saawan ke kuch vrikshon mein Aapas ki ek baat chali..

Reh-reh kar daaliyan aagey badhii..

Un mein fir ek chaah bani.

Uske phooloon pe bhanware mandrayein,

Haan uus khushboo ko thaam lo

Haaiye mera bachpan lauta do !!

Mai ek kaaya apne ma ke angan ki ang ang se viksit ho chali

mai chali pardes,

piya ka ghar na bhaya mujhe.. laut aayi fir des..

Ek pari mujhe Ma fir bana do

Haaiye mera bachpan lauta do !!

Door desh ki sair karun, pankh pasaar

Pinjra tod ghoom aaun sansaar

ek aisi khwahish rakhti hun, Ae maalik,

Ek laadli fir mujhe bana do

Haaiye mera bachpan lauta do!!

ShabdOn ke motiYon ko kuch aisey piroya uss din... :)

2007-08-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

To My Love for hindi (ok make it With a blend of Urdu.. :D), and
To the most sorted Person (Er..rr. he does it for Me :P) whom I have met.."ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ" :) :)

This Blog Entry is a perfect Reality fit-in piece of Conversation between me and "Travler" :)
(check out the urdu hint He has given to His name, Aadayeinn .. Mah-Shah-Allah.. hehe) He is not just any random figure around me though
(its cause not everyone has the right nerve and patience to stand by me ), over time has become one important part of my dreamy-screaming-complaining ...ahmm..life.(hehe)

I personally liked this piece(though haven’t asked him for the patent to show his work.. You won’t mind would You. ??) Yummmyy!!.. YUUPPPIIIESS!!..:):)
However I cant seemed to find the begining of it. Theres pun n sarcasm and some realy Heart touching emotions.
I m MISS "'G' Nomad"!

Enjoy reading!

NOrmal day(july17th, evening).. We r talking .. n i was just tryn to leg pull him with this hindi words and rhymes ..when we seriously strted talking dat way.. here it is

"...ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ khusi se to humara taalluk hi nahi ab !!:P
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Talluk??..kiske saath? kaise?? ;)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: jo mere Tassavur me basi hai .. Usi ki baat kar raha hu me :P
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Sab samajh aa gaya. .. Dheere dheere saare raaz, ek ke baad ek, nazar ke saamne aa rahein hain.. kya tum wohi ho??

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: haan me wahi hooon .. par sab badal sa gaya hai !! me badal sa gaya hoon .. tum badal c gayi ho :P!! halaat badal se gaye hain !! ehehehe
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Haan shayad tum wohi ho...
Fir wahi shabdon ki khamoshi?
fir wahi shabdon ka purana jaal?
Apni Ruh se bhi muh modh liya tumne?
Kisi ki yaad mien khona bura nahn.. par kisi ki yaad mein khud ko bhool jana theek nahin..

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: jiski yaad me mene khudko bhula rakha hai !!
..usi ki yaad me mujhe kabse sambhaale rakha hai ...
me bhoolonga usko ye mumkin nahi hai ...
na bhoolonga usko us se ye waada kiya rakha hai !!
*G*`~NoMaD~`: ShaBdon ka wahi silsila,
ek ke baad ek duhraya hua puarana kissa.
Agar Bhoollana itna aasan hota,
yaadon ka fir koi mausam na hota.

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: mousam to fir bhi badal jaate hain .. asaan hai ..
roothe dil bhi pighal jaate hain ..asaan hai ..
jo ranujogam ki siyahi apne dil se lagaye baitha hu usko mitana mushkil hai ...
magar jo chahte hain mujhe khud se zyaada .. wo kehte hain sab asaan hai
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Mausam ka bahana bhi Qubool hua!
Roothe ko manane ka daur bhi bewaqt poora hua!
Wo Syaahi panne pe faiil gayi..
ek talab fir dabii reh gayi..
Kya In sabke baad bhi kahoge chahat mein sab asaan hai?!!

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: asaan hai rasta chahat ka,
magar manzil tak pohochna mushkil hai.
iraade to sab karte hain mohobbat me tabah ho jaane ke,
magar mohobbat me fanah sirf hum jaise aashik hi hote hain !!
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Aap ki bhi misaal khoob hai..
Hum aapka kya kareein?,
hum toh aap hi mein mashgool hai..
Yeh rehne do tabah honey ke sirf iraade hotey hain,
humko hi dekhiye har raat aap hi se paak hotey hain..
ab isko tabah kehke ujada hua sochiye,
Ya fanah kehke mohabbat mein abaad kahiye!! ;):)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: khoob to aap hain .. paakiza hone ke baawjood kisi se paak hone ka dava karte ho ..
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Soch hi reh jaati hai aakhir mein,
Soch ke bhi kaii dhang hain.
Yaadon ka sahara mil jata hai kisi ko..
Muhabbat mein wo fir kya tabah? kya abaad hota hai...
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Daave bhi be buniyaad kar denege
ek teri haan ho.. toh saare paap qubool kar lenge!! :D;)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: paap to shayad wo bhi hoga ..
gar haan keh di mene ..
khud ki nazron me beshak chupa leta tumko ..
magar bheetar behti ashru ki dhaara me tumko dubaane ka paap shayad zyaada sangeen hoga ..!!
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Ashru ka koi imaan nahin hota,bewaqt hi baras padhta hai..
Tum haan mat kehna Magar, Mai yun hi samajh gayi
Par haan yeh jaan lo Paap ka bhi prayashchit hota hai... :)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ:
paap ka prayashchit to paap ko paap maan ne waale karte hain .. me prayaschit karke khud ko paapi kyun banau ..mere paap ki oat me mere mehboob jiya karte hain !!
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Yeh sun ke ab kuch sun ne ki chahat nahin hai,
Jitni ranjeeshein thi mann mein unki aaj koi khwahish nahn hai..
Jaanti hun tumhari duaon mein kisi aur ki chahat hai..
par woh chehra jo bhi ho..
woh chehrewali khushnaseeb bahot hai..
Paap mein bhi dhoondhte ho jinhein...
meri dua hai wohi chehra saathi miley tumhien!!
Aaameen!!
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Baki muqqadar khuda ke dar pe hi milega..fariyaadon ki khat wahin bhejna tum..wahin tumhara mehboob milega!! :):)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: mil gaya hai mujhko wo ..
jo kabhi mujhe mil na sakega ..
wo dekh rahe hain mujhe yakeen hai mujhe ..
ye baat aur hai ki mujhe kabhi unka deedaar ho na sakega .. !! :)
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Deeedar ka koi fer nahin hai maalik..
jo nas nas mein mein ram gaya ho usse milan bhi ho jayega yun hi kisi hasseen raat ko sapnon mein..
Humein rukhsat dijiye (I was about tp leave here)

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: khhat likha tha ek baar mene ..
socha bhejun khuda ke dar pe ..
magar fir khayaal aaya ki mere khat ko padh ke mera rabb bhi ro padega..
me chup gaya hoon aanchal me uske ab band kar aankhe apni ..
ab sirf ek baar mera is zameen se uthna hoga ...
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Maut ki aisi khwahish mohabbat mein padh ke bhi karte ho tum??..
kyun mohabbat mein jeene nahn chahte ho?
kyun Rabb ko rulana chahte ho Tum?..
kyun nahn jeeke Usko paana chahte ho tum?

ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ: rukhsat lekar jaayiga kahan ..:)
fir lout ke aap hi aayiega yahan ..
jaante ho na ki kis dour se guzar raha hun me ..
bas ek chaht hai mere paas baaki ..
lut gaya hain nishaan ..
*G*`~NoMaD~`: Sirf yahi se rukhsat maang rahi hun.. daur toh roz unhi khwahishon ka chalta hai,
jinka koi nishaan nahn hota hai. :)

(I left aftr this, n whne i came back i saw more fromhis side.. My last response was probbly the end of it)
ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ:
usko paane se pehle hi kho chuka hoon me ..
rabb se zyaada use yaad kar ro chuka hoon me ..
fir bhi kaha hai usne ki me tumhi ko chahti hoon ..
yahi ek baat hai ..
jisse har baar sun sun ke jee raha hoon me !!
ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ:
"Dekh na yaar mere " kitna akela ho chuka hu me.. !!
kya haal ho chuka hai mera ..kuch nazar aata hai tumko ??!!
wahan baithe dekhte rehte ho mujhe .. me jaanta hoon .. ek baar to socha hota ...ki ye kis ke liye aaya tha yahan ...
ab yahan baitha kya karu me ??!!
ye sab poochte rahenge .. me jawaab deta rahoonga ..
aur jo sawaal mere pass hai tumhare liye .. khud ke liye .. uska jawaab kon dega ......
"dekh na yaar mere" ... ...
ٹائپTrAVelerٹائپ koshish tum bhi kar rahe ho .. me bhi kar raha hu ..
shayad kuch haasil ho jaye ...
tum mujhe khush dekhne ki khwahish rakhte ho ... me tumhe khush dekhne ki ..
magar gam me fir bhi doobe hum dono kyun hai ??!!
intezaar ek doosre ka roz kaRte hum dono kyun hai ??
baat na karke bhi ek doosre se baate karte kyun hain ??
*G*`~NoMaD~`:
Roz ki wahi ratt hai tumhari bhi..
meri maano zindagi nhn hai inn aadaton ki.
Sawalon se beparwah hoke nipat jao,
khud ek sawal se rubaroo ho aao.
Kya mohabbat in chand sawalon ki ghulaam hai?
kya tumse door rehke woh Cherewali khushi mein gum hai?
Befizool intezaar mein Roz guzar rahi hai
Mohabbat ko samjh gaye ho jab, tab zindagi mein mohabbat ki kya kasar reh gai hai?
Sawalon se anjaan reh ke bhi basar ho sakti hai
Gar muhabbat zehan mein ghar kar rahi hai!!..

It hasnt ended up here.. cause it cant.. i can go on talking to him in this rhythm and rhym for long.. really! Guess.. words hold me back..:):)
This aint any story.. But definitely something was running in his mind(oh shut up dont give me those looks now ok.?) But the fruit is this peice!

PS:: 1>Notice one this he is a Traveler in his identity n i being a Nomad. Both have one thing in common "We Travel".. :)

"If u said hello to me..."

2007-05-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

i have tales to sing,
fears to be taken in.

i can talk about the moon
till the sun shines,
or i would recite some songs dipped in whines.

i can make you crazy day after day,
with my charm you will find me gay.

your majesty,
i am a dreamer i dream,
ahh but mostly i wake up and scream.

i love to crib about what i dont get,
am i not just another girl who doesnot have her mind set?

i am polite,
so u wont find me half loose at first site.

proud to begin with,
i have so much of my own,

so i have no time for you
not just you
not even the one who has to do with being known.

often on dark days i rise and fall,
if u caught me rising dont call it your chance
time and again i will fall
you wont be their then
so what is it about the chaos??

WHAT FORM IS HATE?

2007-05-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

I clench my fists. I can feel the nails digging into my palm lines, it hurts when I pull my fingers back, they ache on joints. I try very hard to withdraw my eye pupil to not to concentrate on him. I look at him with stoned eyes. I feel numb inside as the thoughts push inside my on going thought process, they come one by one. I try to concentrate more upon what he did to me but as i do so i move away from it. Slowly other thoughts come with a gush of wind i try to match this incident with others. did they have any resemblance with any of the previous incidents? has something like this happened before? i faintly remember a small chaos driving me to hate someone.. what was his name?? or her?. i dismiss this thought because i could not figure the absolute facts. i reject a series of questions which come to my mind. as the two lines protecting my pupil get shut together the salty thing draws two oval lines on the outlines of my face and drop down from the chin. they have made their way and for sometime now they will move on this path. did he hurt me so much? is he worth my tears? I try to think hard. Thinking comes naturally to us. Part of the unconscious human nature for which one never has to strain, it slowly coils itself upon us.

i lifted my head i stared at him with the utmost form of behaviour, for which at present, i can only think of him to be subjected too. Hate is such you can feel it with the flow of blood or with the sudden pulsating nerve. i swear a million things to my conscious relating to never do something’s again. not seeing his face again, wont ever take his name, blah blah.. i subject him to certain things sentences which soothe my tired ness that has taken over me.(dust and s***** and god serve him with hell).

I notice my body has been leaning on my bag and it has started to fall.. I try to place it back to lean again but could not put it in the same position. I discover I have lost the energy to control certain things around. Hate is overpowering my every expression. It doesn’t let me reciprocate to the activities going around me. The thread my fingers had been playing with have served a punishment in place of him. Their are knots and broken tits and bits of it. i inhale the cough which has come due to the salty water, this soothes their flow. it did hurt a bit more then i didnt thought. may be this time, this hatefulness has taken a lead over the previous incidents where i rated that hatefulnes to be such which will be a lead in future, something with which i can identify with.

For one moment my mind gets blocked. It becomes interrupted by inflow of two thoughts running parallel to each other. I now think about hating him, what way would be the best, so much so that he realizes what I went through or at least places a guilt on his soul. Guilt which is left on soul often are hard to remove, they stay put forever. I wanted the pace of my action upon him to be like this. A guilt upon his soul. My heart makes a wicked moan. I adjust my posture, I hear a few cracks
inside..ohh.. I have been in the same position for past 30-35 minutes. i am horrified of the ideas that hit my mind. It’s the evil in me which has taken over. There’s a push of a latent energy which comes once its been called. The push of hate. Once hate overpowers human mind, fear and anger become its ingredients. I want to take revenge ..forget all that bookish crap. i think about all this and I feel energetic, I gain power. Power of my self esteem. Its name and esteem we all live for. I let go of the thread with the wind follow it for sometime through the corner of my eyes

i feel defeated. Its the feeling of being defeated there are a numerous shattered illusions that start to swirl me. i immediately dismiss this idea, but the push is strong. my brain nerves strain themselves in search of a human handkerchief, just anyone to whom i can cry on face. at this moment i dont care who so ever it may be. The thought of crying in solace is so perturbing. any emotion which goes unnoticed appears useless to me. The pulsating organ near the bosom seems to burst out with, they take charge of the fear, anger and the list of other synonymous words. I gave it a thought altogether and slowly I feel drifting away from this abrupt outflow of emotions. This feeling of helplessness makes me feel sorry.

Oh these lame mood swings, they started taking over me. I feel like a coward now. Now that my emotional state of mind is coming back to normal. In past few minutes as I sum up I went through al the possibilities. It soothes me. thinking does leave a contentment. If life makes you serve it lets you command too. I have served my share. These things can wait. My words reflect back to me.
I rise from my position and start moving toward s the cafeteria.

end so far

2007-05-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

Its d end of the sunshine which ran so long for me,
its d end of the moonlight which ran so long for me.
end of the earth which ran below my feet
end of the world which ran after me.
all my lies,
all my faults stayed so far,
the storm inside me gonna tear me apart.
end of all those miseries
end of all those joys.
end of everything i came with to you
end of what you thought to be belonging to you
end of us..
end of me
end of u..

tip to toe naked

2007-05-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

it feels i have dropped all my clothes for people to see me naked. "I am naked"! "I am naked"! and I am walking pass the crowd. I can see they are watching me, Watching like never before, as they have always wanted to.. Its so hard to become naked , baring everything...... baring my soul... Their are constant murmurs and whispers behind my back, I turn around to face tehm wanting to know everything right on my face but as i do it I can only feel my ears straining to hera from them.. theirs just blank waind which gushes, swirls me. I consider them to be dead

Is this their victory???? When and why did i gave them this right???" Did they snatched it??

"sometimes when i am sitting between people(ideally the metro i board) there's gloominess that strike me. As if the crowd is trying to think really hard to read my mind. I cant show my thoughts. It will be really shocking if they read my mind. I feel so insecure. I need a women shoulder... Men annoye me.. they are all same.. arent they??"
My mind has stopped responding.. its suffering.. suffering is every where.. dont ever think it isnt.. so are Miracles.. dont ever think they arent their. When will a miracle happen in my world?
Trapped thats what I am!!!!????!!!!

call me lost, fake....
soul belonging to no world..
soul speechless for ages..

do tel me if its a piece of shitt!

(jan18'2007)

nowhere

2007-03-05T04:44:00.000-08:00

We all need reasons to live.
We all are searching for one or the other which will finally give us the reason to head towards nowhere..
Life to me is that.. Heading aimlessly!! At one point or other we all do walk aimlessly towards one goal, which we know is so incomplete. Not every goal we plan is complete but still we want to head towards one. We all are serching for reasons to live. None of us want to live life. They just want to complete it and say we know what life is..
What ideology is this???
"REASON" thats what is the "soul goal" is!

unfinshed past

2007-02-19T06:44:00.001-08:00

I resemble my past with my present
Still untouched, still unknown.

An island of illusions,
A path of blind visions.

My soul wanders undesirably towards no goal,
It still wanders, but that doesn’t solve.

There’s still no light found,
From past to present.

A tireless voice calls me,
It reminds me I am not free,
It vanishes, but doesn’t finishes

I cry!
I scream!

I walk i dare,
Theres no one to care.

I end up being lost ....

There’s no change from past to present .....

They resemble,
They get assembled.

I slowly walk away….

vowing never to look back...

awkward silence

2007-02-19T04:50:00.000-08:00

There s silence in the echo.

It whispers in my ears,
It says to leave it alone
To let it comprehend on its own .

To a world of shattered hearts.

The silence says so much to me,
I hear it clenching its fist.

I can hear it tearing every fence..

There s a face which remain un faced.

A saga yet to be told

A death still to be known

Truly in the deepest of desires,
Sacred to the belonging of its owner..

The silence echoes to me!!!!!!!!!!!

Since I am the owner

I hear,
I cry.
But the tears wont dry.

I fell on the ground,
Its still clinging to me.

It takes my breath away....

It makes me die

I am dead.
May 8, 2006

scattered silence

2007-02-17T05:02:00.000-08:00

hidden in my silence
lies the threshold of a new vision

a vision which embarks light
upon a zillions of masqueradic ques,
which vow to be real.

That road calls me,
To lament the curse
Which stops me.

A road to perdition
Of anxiety and hunger.

I call upon the karma
Please lfit me,
To the map of love.

To gloss faith ....
Its love to whom I owe...
My soul, my silence

STITCH MY SCATTERED SILENCE
FOR ITS ALL HIDDEN IN MY SILENCE..

i m talking to u

2007-02-17T04:59:00.000-08:00

I have no ALTERS wat so ever. its just ME with so MANY faces. I keep on CHANGING, i keep on HIDING. never WANTING YOU to know who am I!! who r YOU I dnt know YOU..do I???

There are so many alters within me. I dont need a company. I dont need to get acquainted. hell!!.. Every relation rolls up.. Turning into ashes which have no Relevance what so ever.
"strangers..."
They pull curtains.. one by one..
i dont want to show you whats wid me.?!
Its just me .. and i mean every word of what I say. I wont apologise i wont regret. I know what is it to talk.. Once the words are out they belong to listeners ears(yours).
Well i am aware of it all.